Math scholarship here I come!!

Some people complained that an essay was not worth a mere $500. I figure that on all my English essays I get paid nothing, so this is definitely worth it. Not to mention that I don’t make that much money in a year.

I think it might be bad...

…if I can relate to how Raskolnikov, from Crime and Punishment, is thinking.  Not the part about murdering people, or when he considers himself a louse, or when considering himself as a Napoleon. More so with the scattered, super suspicious, paranoid thoughts of other people. How he over analyzes every little thing, and then will intermittently remind himself to calm down. He is thinking about this because he murdered somebody, I on the other hand am probably just insecure. I usually just try to push out thinking so I don’t analyze every little thing and start worrying that I did something wrong or blah blah blah… I push these thoughts out, but I think by trying to ignore my insecure thoughts I may be pushing out the considerate and deliberate thoughts. I am becoming one big irrational, random mess of actions without thinking. This then leads to more analysis after the fact when nobody but myself is probably pondering the matter. So instead of removing these thoughts, I am simply delaying them possibly. Or, even worse, I never think about my actions.

I need to find some balance. Don’t be impulsive. Don’t over analyze. Be considerate and deliberate. Simply, I need to focus on how I am impacting others. Well that is stupid; that is not simple at all. How do I know how I am impacting others? I cannot know everything. What a fool I am. How can I analyze my actions but not let my thoughts drag myself down into a spiraling descent of despair? Arg… I fear this is probably because of my lack of time spent with God. I feel the gap growing, and I hate it. But if I hated it, wouldn’t I stop it. My lazy inactivity of school has transferred over to every part of my life. If my homework was on worksheets instead of having to open a text book and get my own paper, then I would do it; if my Bible was open already by my bed, I would read it. At least I finally found my Bible. It has been missing since I moved (beginning of January), and I found it in my Emergency Backpack. Logical place, I just happened to forget. Well I am going to pull it out of my car after I click “Create post.” I will bring it to bed, and I will probably doze off because sleep is overtaking me. Hopefully I wake early enough to read it, or maybe I’ll finally go back to Youth Alive.

Lord, give me the determination.

Nothing like spending Valentine’s Day babysitting 3 crazy kids. Hmmm… maybe I should start saving money for when I do have somebody to spend it on.

What is Love?

Baby don’t hurt me… don’t hurt me… no more.

Sorry, I couldn’t resist. The actual question is in reference to a peer who said she didn’t know what love was. I was appalled and tried to give some sort of general answer, but I don’t think she found it that satisfying. I asked her what it meant when her parents said told her that they love her, and she stated that it was something that parents just say to their children, and the children mumble the meaningless statement back. Tragic. Though, maybe she is just thinking about it more. How many people actually have a grasp on what love is?

I don’t think it helps that we use one word to express something that the Greeks and Jewish expressed in multiple words. Through brief, possibly unreliable, online research, there seems to be basically 4 main types as described in the other languages:

• Familial love, committed; affection


• True friendship, “platonic”


• Deliberate but unconditional; selfless, sacrificial


• Impulsive, often romantic, deep appreciation

Obviously these do exist, yet in English we’ll usually express these ideas with degrees of like and love.

For something so important to a Christian, how is it that somebody I interact with nearly every day cannot see what Love is? This bothers me a bit.

When my life seems really hectic...

I’ll just take a peek at Hallie’s. haha. Awesome book sale this morning, but I should have gotten some of those Twain books…

Is this the first year they started calling Valentine’s Day “V-Day?”

To add to this, I heard some middle schoolers using this abbreviation in written and spoken form. I guess it is just like when people started saying OMG and LOL. Using shortened versions of texting in their spoken vocabulary. You just happened to remind me of that Brookandlyn =D

Senior Year - Academic Decathlon State = 12 Krispy Kremes