Finally!

Math became fun again. Calculus was being such a bore, but now I remembered what made it more interesting. I mean, sure there are certain parts of it that can be fun, but what I really enjoy is helping others/working with others. At one point in senior year (well actually for most of it), my only motivation for doing homework would be so that I could be knowledgeable enough to help my peers. It gives math a purpose. I am so glad I am not majoring just in Mathematics. Engineering is giving math a purpose. Education would have also been a suitable direction, but Bluffton didn’t offer that either. Thank you God.

Silly Psychoanalysis. (I was trying to make analyzation a word and even added it to my computers dictionary thinking I was correct, forgetting the word analysis.) Oy! maybe I should just act how I do and stop thinking of what others observe…

Though, that seems a little naive. That might be an easy way to get into sticky situations. In a Bible study down in Sierra vista, the topic was about being beyond reproach. For such considerations, it was generally agreed that a person in a relationship shouldn’t go out to eat or whatever with a person of the opposite gender, because if someone were to see them, it might appear as if that person was cheating. A Christian should attempt to not put people in those situations so they would never even be questioned about it, and thus: being beyond reproach. I seemed to think this was a bit excessive, at least for pre-marriage. If I have a good female friend, must I always make sure my special other is along for the ride? It seems a bit cumbersome and odd to me. 

Now I have really gone down a rabbit’s path (I am not completely sure if that is the phrase). I need to get back to work. Or at least check on my bread. Or start scheduling some Skype conversations.

All end on this note, male or female, I would love to be your friend.

I love hearing the bread maker kneading. So wonderful.

Voice

Reading Mack’s final paragraph just reminded me of how I always got marked down in the AIMS writing section due to my lack of Voice. Maybe I just don’t have it, or my voice is very academic, but for whatever reason, I don’t, or at least didn’t, have good Voice in my papers.

Easily influenced.

Somebody from outside MN asked me why I had a MN accent since I am from AZ. I have started to notice it even about a month ago. I have been in MN for nearly 2 months now and it comes out sometimes, depending on how I feel, or who I am around, idk. For whatever reason it comes and goes in different levels. Though when I typed “goes” it came out very heavily Minnesotan in my head, so that may be representative of how much it has affected me.

This may show how easily influenced I am. Maybe other people are like this too, maybe not. But I think it can illustrate the importance of the choice of where I put myself, or what I do with my time in general.

With this in mind, I am glad I am at Northwestern.

Thanks God.

The Christian call to take risks, witness and sacrifice for others is muted, she says.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/08/27/almost.christian/index.html?hpt=T2

Really one of the saddest, but truest, articles.

Am I already changing?

why haven’t I been photo crazy with everything like I expected myself to be? I haven’t even changed my profile pic yet to something of me at Northwestern…

I feel like there must be some psychoanalytic value in this phenomenon….

P.S. NW rolled over is MN, and Northwestern is in Minnesota!!! I realized this when I saw a ball with MN/NW on it.

Sometimes, you just need time to think.

Too bad I haven’t had any of that time yet. I feel like I could spend the whole weekend just in devotions/reflection/journaling (btw, my blogs are pretty much my journaling). 

amazing.

that was God is. So much stuff with college right now, but in my devotional, a few days ago, it prompted me to fast from complaining. That very day I was planning to post about a complaint I had about other freshman.

[ cloud overview | get your own cloud ]

This is a Tumblr Cloud from my blog posts between 2008 and now with my top 20 words.

Now let’s analyze… I blog about pretty people who do stuff at night. My life is consumed a lot by school and college. Kenleigh says some amazing stuff and is a good friend. I maybe do a little of my homework, if I feel like it. I love to spend time doing and saying stuff about amazing persons.

Well actually, it seems I talk too much about 

College=Tired

mostly ‘cause of XC

Amazing Day

Thank you God. I love Northwestern

Woah. Tomorrow it all starts.

On a sad note, I left my bible and devotional book at my aunt’s.

looking in all the wrong places

What is limiting me?

What is keeping me from loving with all my heart, all my strength, all my mind? 

Limits

Immersion

When I was baptized at some earlier age (my parent’s thought I should wait till I was a little older, but I said I was ready, but now I feel it wouldn’t have hurt to wait so I could remember it better and understand more), I had to decide between anointing and immersion (aka dunking). I thought about the symbolism of these 2 things and I didn’t want to be dunked because it was more popular, so I kept thinking. After a few days I picked dunking because I really liked the idea of being completely surrounded in God, my whole body, my whole life.

I haven’t thought about it again until recently. Last night I accidentally fell asleep for an hour and a half then woke up and went to bed an hour later. I wasn’t able to fall asleep and finally looked at the clock and it was midnight. Well I didn’t fall asleep for a little after that, but during that time and maybe a little before my nap, I felt really at peace. I seemed to have a good idea of what I should do to get back on the right track. Well since it has been awhile and I have been squandering my time on Starcraft II and buying textbooks (thank goodness for campusbooks.com) I have seem to have wandered away and forgotten it all except for one thought, immersion.

I chose immersion cause I wanted to be surrounded by God. God is ready, he is a still lake waiting to be rippled. To immerse is a choice, a daily choice. If I want God to surround me, to be in every breath I take, entonces tengo que comer y respirar la Palabra (I have been working on my Spanish too). I have this awesome devotional book, but am not using it. Then because it is set up in weekly segments I only start on Sunday and start over again next Sunday if I miss a day. I’m thinking it is just an excuse to not do what I know I should. 

I have a problem with procrastination. I seem to desire doing everything but what I know should be done (right now that would be: devotionals, reading the Bible, studying for SPA2101). It isn’t too difficult, but I make myself dread the necessary. I work best under a sense of urgency, but with God, I don’t seem to feel it. He is always there. I have known of him since I was little. I know he will be there at the end of the day, waiting. Why do I sit here, knowing what needs to be done, but not doing. Finding some distraction to free me from thoughts of responsibility and necessity. Is this my latent rebellious stage? I don’t do it because I can choose not to. Make myself feel like I have control?

“I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.” Romans 7:15 NLT

It isn’t always hate (I usually enjoy playing StarCraft), but sometimes it is.

Lord, “I want to be holy, set apart for You, my master, ready to do you will.” I say that I want to immerse myself, my life, every minute of my day, but I feel a tinge of pain or something in my chest when I say that. I feel like inside I don’t really want to change, I don’t want to give it all up. Why do I feel this! Help me Lord.