I never understood how physical gestures expressed anger. Giving the bird really means very little for me.

Just read the captions. This is from the Wall Street Journal. The best thing about it is, “The accord passed.”

Yo soy un idiota y un bufón

Regina's voice is sweet like sugar, and I love sugar

kenleigh:

“If I was to throw a party where all we did was play monopoly, would you guys come?”

—

-Hayden Christensen portraying Stephen Glass in Shattered Glass

Seriously, Monopoly anyone?

I LOVE MONOPOLY! Though Risk is good too. And Settlers. And Ticket to Ride.

I am as bipolar as Hamlet

Naps are so good.

Took a one hour nap that prolonged my evening by a few hours.

I might feel like deleting my last post

but I am not going to. Maybe that was just the post short nap delirium. Maybe I am crazy and should stop typing right now and do my homework. Maybe this day needs to end. Maybe I should do my devotions.

I'm tired.

Ever feel distant? Like maybe things should finally be going like you wanted them to, but then its just off. You don’t know if it is you or they. Am I a stuck up fool? Just an idiot? I think I prefer… neither.

When I go off to college everything will be new. New everything. I thought that I would be okay with this, because I was always very independent, but it was really just being anti-social. Going into middle school I was just focused on my studies and planning the future. I had no real friends in school, but I don’t think I cared or thought about it. I talked to certain people and maybe went to a few things every once in awhile, but no real connections. Going into high school it was the same. Cross Country probably opened my horizon a little, but I was still not part of a group. Always a misfit occasionally there. Sophomore year was very similar. Junior year XC was starting to be a family, and Academic Decathlon was another family. Made dear friends. Had good times. Senior year I continue the raise of socializing while my studies decline. I have become dependent on people, but I know I still lack typical social awareness, never really knowing how I place with somebody else. ‘Is it an open invitation to also go to In-N-Out?’ ‘Am I a close friend?’ These questions of self-doubt end up in the safe path, not opening myself. I am hidden under a shell of self-questioning. I used to question every action or word being truly afraid to open myself at all, show people who I am. I am pretty much past that, but people accepting me and having a connection with me is two different things. Social acceptance is a that free sample at Costco that just makes you crave for more. Any person who I feel I can share with is pretty much out of contact. Life happens, stuff happens, distance happens. But now I think I am on a tangent. Well with all this pondering, I am going to college where I get to start over. I look forward to meeting my roommates, and I don’t dislike the idea of meeting new people, but there is a complete apprehension that I don’t remember ever having. Life was simpler and easier when it was me, my homework, and a few responsibilities here and there.

Sleep

or actually the lac of. I only got 6 hours last night, which may seem like not too bad, but when you compared it with how long I was awake, then it makes it terrible. Normally I am awake for 16 hours and sleep for 8, but this time I was awake for 18 and asleep for 6. That is a ratio change from 1:2 to 1:3. I guess that isn’t really horrible, and I may just like to look at these numbers and feel it is a big difference. But I am pooped. I was so loopy and slap happy during school today. I was off topic and insane. I want to get to sleep, but it won’t come until I start my homework, with my luck at least.

I can only find my security in God

Friends, tools and toys

This is related to my earlier post on confrontation. Today’s sermon was partially about accountability, and how we can be accountable for what our brothers/sisters (in Christ) do. I have talked to somebody about this and was actually trying to talk to them about one of their struggles, and they related how if/when their friends have the same problem, he could care less. I think this attitude is pervasive throughout society. For most problems and issues that are friends have, we just say, “It’s their decision,” or “It’s their life, they can do what they want,” or even, “That is just who they are.” For us to really have such an apathetic approach to other people we must be super cautious about offending people, or we don’t view them as real friends. As a friend, shouldn’t we care about them? Are we not to try to prevent them from stumbling? I mean, we aren’t necessarily responsible for what they do, but we can try to help them. If we don’t care about what our friends do, they are either tools for our own purposes, or they are merely toys for our enjoyment. Is this why people’s relationships mean nothing? We don’t care about their well-being, their future?

I am particularly talking to Christians here. We are full of sins! Why is there not more confrontation!? I don’t think that I am trying to take blame off of myself by blaming others for not telling me of my own errors and sinfulness, but I know that I am oblivious. I need to pray to God to melt me, mold me, fill me, but Christians are a community for a reason.

1 John 2:

 ⁹ If anyone claims, “I am living in the light,” but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is still living in darkness. ¹⁰ Anyone who loves another brother or sister is living in the light and does not cause others to stumble.

Till Outline do me death.

Orange is not my color.

Now this may at first seem to be a negative note, but this is really a very positive thing! Well, orange not being my color is not inherently a positive thing, though it is a good thing to know, but what it represents is something that brings me much joy. Philippians 2:4 says: “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” To me, this represents the necessity of complete honesty. Personally, I desire what some may call confrontation, but is really just talking frankly sometimes. [This was related today during tutoring, when I would correct their grammar and spelling when writing the questions on the board and one of the girls was about to have a meltdown because I was correcting them.] Anyways, tonight I went to the Liu home bible study and after hanging out afterward, I took off my sweatshirt due to the heat, and I was wearing this orange shirt with stripes underneath. The instant I took off the sweatshirt Hallie proclaimed “Orange is not your color.” I was momentarily shocked, due to the fact that I really give little thought to clothing, but I really admire Hallie’s honesty. I tend to find that many people are unresponsive to constructive criticisms, or dislike confrontation. Personally, I invite it. How can we improve and change if we are ignorant to our fallacies? People may like to think that we just need to accept how everyone is, and that may be true to a point, but accept it: We are human; we are not perfect; we can improve.

Now from experience, seeking out personal imperfections is not the best thing to do when depressed and self-loathing. Also, I think I tend to be unobservant in many things, and may not always be the most responsive to unspoken hints or signs, so I strongly support just asking. Luke 11: ⁹"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ¹⁰For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”

Thank you Hallie for being who you are.

R Yhu Serious!?

First off, apparently middle schoolers text “yhu” instead of “you.” Obviously this makes no sense. The h button is all but a cm closer on the keyboard so I really don’t think it makes a difference. They were actually quite surprised that I didn’t type it as yhu.

Amidst the attempt at a AVID tutorial, somehow I got asked something along the lines of “Do you get hot girls?” I asked what he meant by “get” as this was a particularly vague word. The response was something like, “You know, get.” This stumbled onto one of the girls adding, “Like friends with benefits.” I forget what my response was. It must have either been a dead stare, a sarcastic repeat of “friends with benefits” or a “Are you SERIOUS.” She promptly informed me that he has friends with bs, and she does, and the 2 other girls at the table do. I was thoroughly disappointed. When asked of my own friends/hot girls and such, I answered somewhat straightly that I have many friends that are girls, but definitely no friends with benefits (my abbreviation, not theirs) and have not gotten anybody. I want to just pound some morality and logic into their little heads. Unfortunately this was not the time to be discussing anything like this and the bell rang. What possess these little kids to do these things! They are also the most gossipy girls I have ever heard. At least when I was in middle school, I am pretty sure they at least made some form of a more solid relationship than friends with benefits. It is really saddening. I wish I could do something.

Dex(ter)

brookandlyn:

Haha, well thank you! I’m actually amazed that you’re still reading my blogs, must have taken quite some patience! And to answer your ‘how did I find you’ question, it’s rather hilarious, really. I don’t remember whose blog I was looking at, but someone reblogged one of your posts and I really enjoyed reading it, so I went back and found your page and checked it out. I like that most of your blogs are about your life, realized that you were a keeper, and clicked ‘follow’. I just really enjoy reading what you have to say. The end. Guess it wasn’t all that funny.

Btw, I don’t see a reply button anywhere on your blog :O   

Well, I am really flattered. I believe now there may be some type of reply feature, assuming you are on the dashboard. I think this means that only the person who is replied to sees it, opposed to a blog or reblog. And I think that is pretty funny, though I feel I may have been letting you down in the past 2 months or so, because I feel they are much shorter and shallower. And to be honest, the main reason I first followed you was because you followed me, so I figured, hey I’ll check this out. Needless to say, I never regretted the decision.

If the reply button is now there, I made that occur in the preferences and under one of the tabs if anybody cares to know.

Grr...

I completely went over to Winamp from iTunes, but now I found out Winamp doesn’t convert into MP3 unless I buy the pro version!

Psalm 2-plans

 ¹ Why are the nations so angry?
      Why do they waste their time with futile plans?

… (Stuff about not going against the Lord or his rulers)

 ¹⁰ Now then, you kings, act wisely!
      Be warned, you rulers of the earth!
 ¹¹ Serve the Lord with reverent fear,
      and rejoice with trembling.
 ¹² …
      But what joy for all who take refuge in him!

-I am glad I do not have to fear God. But I do have to worry about wasting my time with futile plans. There plans may have been futile because they were going against the Lord, but mine can potentially become futile because I do not know the future, so they may never come to fruition. This is difficult because I love planning. Really really love it. In 7th grade I planned  out my entire high school schedule. During 7th and 8th I also started analyzing the differences between various math majors at Northwestern College and attempted to decide if I could double major and still fit in a Spanish minor. Both my high school and college plans have changed over time, but I made informed decisions.

Well if you read a couple blogs back I referenced my appreciation for song lyrics. I realized Psalms is also full of beautiful imagery and great themes and the like. I “knew” this before, but never really realized it I guess.

Psalms 1 (NLT)

 ¹ Oh, the joys of those who do not
      follow the advice of the wicked,
      or stand around with sinners,
      or join in with mockers.
 ² But they delight in the law of the Lord,
      meditating on it day and night.

-How often do we delight in God’s law. We may appreciate it, understand it, but rarely do I see myself delighting in it. And why shouldn’t I? I don’t know. No good reason not to delight in it.

KTLA filmed me kicking a tree in my backyard

brookandlyn:

And why was I kicking a tree? I don’t know. I was a wild child on the loose, out looking for some adventure. I don’t exactly remember why I was kicking a tree, but I do recall a helicopter passing by as I was being a ‘rebel’. Anyways, I went back in my house, and my mom was in the living room watching tv, and she looked up at me and asked, “Were you just outside kicking a tree?” Rofl. I was on tv for like 10 seconds. Feels good man. 

That is probably one of the most amazing things I have ever heard. You should definitely try to get a copy of that footage.

Though acting out the final scene in Hamlet was really fun

Thus I don't like Hamlet.

I don’t like tragedies. Hamlet is a tragedy.

Hope to not bother any readers (however few they are), but I really appreciate songs lyrics and enjoy posting the song and/or limited amounts of lyrics to either show whats on my mind, or just whatever.

=D

Whatever happened to a passion I could live for
What became of the flame that made me feel more
And when did I forget that…

I was made to love you
I was made to find you
I was made just for you

…
You were waiting on me
And you said you’d keep me
Never would you leave me

I was made to love and be loved by you

…
Anything I would give up for you (nah, nah, nah, nah, nah)
Everything, I’d give it all away (nah, nah, nah, nah, nah)

Last night's dream

This is what I remember:

There is a large snowy mountain or a mountain completely made of snow. There is sometype of school in/on it. There is a teacher/leader  is giving incorrect teachings to children. (It specifically had to do with incorrect facts/models of the sun, and teachings of two moons) I attempted to correct the teachings, though I don’t remember interacting with the false teacher, so it must have been directly with the children. The teacher put one of the children in danger. Down off the mountain I try to get friends to  help save them. One friend was in heels and I said they might want different shoes, but realized I was in sandals myself. END (of remembrance).

I first thought nothing of it, but it reminded me of a current object on my mind. Thursday night Bible study we watched Bible vs. Joseph Smith. I was given that movie and 2 others (The Bible vs. The Book of Mormon, DNA vs. The Book of Mormon). I watched the first 2 (not the DNA one) and I really like them because they are logically organized and not only analyze the Book of Mormon, but also analyze the Bible side by side. [Due to the preponderance of evidence, it ends up showing how awesome the Bible is and how erroneous the Book of Mormon is.] Well I wanted to show this to both my Christian friends and to my Mormon friends. It has always been a touchy subject discussing religion with the Mormons, but now that I can show such a video full of knowledge that I previously didn’t know, I feel I need to show my Mormon friends. What kind of friend would I be if I knew they were following teachings that are blatantly full of errors, but did nothing.

I started to connect my dream to this desire to help. If my Mormon friends are the children who are being taught these incorrect things, I should help them. But there are parts that I can’t really percieve meaning, but other parts such as the child being put in danger by the false teacher (who I could see as any of the Mormon leaders or the Devil) is a direct consequence of my doings. I don’t see this as a discouragement, but this shows me that I can’t possibly break down their life foundation and then leave. I need to be there to help now and after. Now is the part about footwear saying that I am unprepared, or that I never will be completely and don’t need to be, because I simply need the armor of God. Or…?

As of now, I want to proceed and show this video (obviously with discussion and food) because I would be allowing a lie to go unchallenged. But I will also hope to invite them to learn about the true Jesus Christ. Pray please.

I really really want to play CODMW2 right now!!

But I said I wouldn’t =( What to do? What to do?

I So Hate Consequences

I have been out of my routine. Things getting a little crazy and such. One big reason is the PS3. It has been awhile since I have heavily gamed, and it is truly an easy way to spend a few hours. I have been disregarding the more most important aspects of my life. It appears that I was waiting for some consequences to bite me in the butt, because it finally took that to wake me up. I spent this afternoon playing COD MW2 and then took a little nap, due to my previous late night, and left for bible study regardless of the speech I have yet to type and homework I have yet to write. I went, had a great time, don’t regret it, but what I do regret is that I had to leave right after the main study to go back home and work. These are people I really only get to see on Thursdays if I go, and haven’t seen them in weeks. Departing early made me incredibly sad. I just hated these consequences of my poor decisions. It took this, what may seem to you readers as small and silly, to point me back in the right direction, both with my school life and prayer/devotional life (though the latter has slowly been progressing from its previous stagnant state). I want to make a point for at least the next 3 weeks only play a video game if it is socializing with somebody I already know, meaning I must be playing with somebody else. I have to much to do for hours of wasteful entertainment. Cold Turkey. This time should turn into sleep as well, thank goodness, cause I am tired. But that of course will be after I face the consequences of tonight.

Good song by Relient K. I listened to it 3 times in a row and will listen to it again tonight.

I feel a little anti-internet-ish. Weird.

Don’t have a strong desire to blog. No want to stay on FB for more than 2 minutes. Not even to upload new photos. Now that is strange…

I haven't been on in awhile.

Blame Nate’s new PS3 and AP Gov.

ohp! got to go. Stomach calling.